The Addict in the Attic: The Ego at Work

There are "voices" in our head that prey upon us, that tell us harmful and hurtful things about the "I" we have identified with. Fighting these voices often feels like spiritual warfare, and it takes a great deal of effort to distance ourselves from them.

And some point, they begin to fade away. You no longer think terrible things about yourself; you begin to grow and mature. Your perception of reality changes, and instead of fighting life and that which Is, you begin to embrace it for what it is. Everything that occurs is a lesson, a new opportunity to heal and grow. You feel clearer and more present than ever.

But, if you continue deepening your understanding, you may continue to have "I" thoughts - the ego still preys upon you. Every thought which ripples across the pond of your stillness is still a ripple that disturbs your peace, even if only a question, a wonderment.

Why does the ego feel the need to narrate what Is? Why do we think, "I'm hungry," when our stomach rumbles? Is it not enough to know we are hungry and go in search of something to eat?

Why does our mind ask incessant questions, especially ones it will never be able to comprehend the answers to? Why must it strive, to search, to seek?

Why do we, in one moment, want food, then in the next decide that nothing sounds appealing?

And where, in all honesty, do thoughts originate? If we are in control of them, why can't we make them stop? And why does thinking take so much energy?

All of these questions, are, of course, the ego trying to understand its own existence and flaws, because it knows that the only solution is to stop thinking which would be the end of it.

You have an addict in your attic. Your ego is addicted to so many things (identities, opinions, beliefs, structures), but it is primarily addicted to itself. Because it is a fear-based "program," perhaps created during evolution for survival, it is self-protective and afraid of everything, especially its own demise.

But because it is a "program," it is based upon repetitive behavior that is meant to keep us safe. This means we walk an ever-narrowing path, the same each day, as if we were robots, incapable of making different choices, taking new roads, having new adventures. This is why we think that we live in a "simulation," that some people are "NPCs," and so many other parallels that feel like AI/technology/algorithms.

When you allow the thoughts to control your experience, when you follow the algorithm, you end up following the crowd. This is how people end up being herded into the types of situations the world finds itself in presently. The few master the many because they understand how the algorithm of reality affects the program of the ego - they appeal to your desire to be and stay safe, or the desire to "add unto" yourself through materialism.

It starts with presence, and radical acceptance of the here & now. Your ego may fight you for a time. This is natural, and perfectly okay. Lean into the discomfort and understand what it wants, and then begin to slowly release into acceptance of that too.

Inner resistance will force some shock waves into your experience for a time. The more you resist, the bigger the waves. It's very similar to the idea of "devil's snare" in Harry Potter. The plant will constrict and strangle you for as long as you fight it, but absolute surrender will allow you to fall through the vines unharmed.

Someone asked, "Why does suffering lead to enlightenment? Why do we need to suffer for it?"

What else would make you let go of everything?